It was in 1989, having graduated from college, I embarked on a career in grocery retail. After surviving a crash course on grocery manager skills, my first night as being the M.O.D. (Manager on Duty) had finally arrived. As the store manager left for the night he said “Don’t worry… if anything goes wrong, you got Marvin working with you, and he is our best security guard.” As he walked out the door it was now my first time flying solo.
The first few hours went very smoothly. Around 5:30, the evening rush was in full effect. Then things started to unravel. Marvin walked up to me and said “I’m going to need your help, I am about to arrest a shoplifter and he is a pretty big guy”. Following Marvin, we approached a gentleman who looked like an offensive lineman for the Washington Redskins.
The man immediately pulled out a huge can of Starkist tuna out of his sweater and said “you got me” and without putting up any resistance allowed us to escort him to the backroom. When we got the shoplifter to the backroom, Marvin handcuffed him to the meat cooler door, and I called the police so they could come get the shoplifter.
As we waited for the police, we got called to the front for customer service. I started to ring up an order as Marvin bagged the order. I then saw Marvin shaking his head, just then, a lady at the back of the line, jumped out of the line and started running to the back of the store. Marvin started giving chase, I left my customer and ran after them.
As we chased her, we saw her reaching into her big bag she was carrying, and started throwing Heineken beer bottles on the floor and saying “These are not mine…these are not mine”. After catching up to her, we escorted her to the backroom. Since Marvin’s handcuffs were on the Starkist Man, the Heinken Lady was told to sit on a chair and wait for the police. When the Heineken Lady heard the word “police” she became very upset and fell down on the backroom floor and started crying hysterically. As she was crying, I noticed another customer was walking in the backroom. “What are you doing with my sister” she asked. When I told her we were waiting for the police, the sister joined Heineken Lady on the floor and started crying even more than the Heinken Lady.
As the two sisters continued to cry, our sleeping giant seemed to wake up. The Starkist Man said “You need to get them ladies off the floor”. At which point Marvin, the security guard, shook his head and said “If they want to get up, that is fine, but I am not helping them get up”. This seemed to make the Starkist Man very mad.
Being handcuffed to the meat cooler door, he started yanking on the door and screaming he was going to kick Marvin’s butt when he got loose. At this time the first police officer arrived in the backroom. When he saw the Heineken Lady and her sister crying on the floor, and the giant Starkist Man about to rip the meat cooler door off its hinges….he called for backup.
What happened next was like the scene in Christmas Vacation, when the police raid Clark Griswald’s house at the end of the movie. Police officers started showing up everywhere, through both doors of the backroom, through the meat prep room, through the produce prep room, the deli prep room and even pounding on the backdoor.
About four officers approached the Starkist Man, they turned him around and started to uncuff him from the meat cooler door. As they took the handcuffs off, they told the Starkist Man…”If you move in a hostile way, we will treat that as an act of aggresion and we will hurt you”. The Starkist Man started to calm down, and was escorted to an awaiting police car. Another officer grabbed the Heineken Lady.
As we all walked to the front of the store, I noticed the parking lot. It looked like the end of a Die Hard movie, at least 10 police cars with their lights going, heck even the K-9 unit had arrived. As I watched them leave the store, I noticed my customer still standing at my register…”Its about time you came back ” she said. Later that night, the store manager called to check up on me, I told him about the Starkist Man and Heineken Lady, and he said…..”So you had a normal night”…as I hung up the phone…… I thought if this is a normal night….I do not want to see this place when things get really crazy.
That was one great hub! You are a very good story teller and I laughed the whole way through. That is an amazing story- You were brave to stay in management! – loved it-thanks!
Hey grinnin1 ….not sure if brave is the word I would use….for staying in grocery retail for so many years….I think I would have only lasted a few years if I had not changed companies….as I went from the bottom of grocery chains to one of the best in the country…Harris Teeter.
I appreciate the kind words in your comment and I really glad you enjoyed reading my story.
I enjoyed your comical story! Thanks for sharing it. Cute, funny and voted up.
Hey Gail Meyers…..thanks for the visit, the votes and the compliment they are all greatly appreciated.
Even though you probably laugh about it now, at the time I’m sure you were going insane. Funny story to tell people now though, sometimes things work out like that. Great retelling of the events I laughed several times.
Hey BeyondGS…..you are 100% correct….25 years later and the story is funny….but during that night so many moons ago….humor was nowhere to be found,,,,glad my page got you to laugh…thanks for the comment and the visit.
I don’t want to make light of shoplifting but your story reminded me of a sad incident at my local Stop n Shop. An elderly man was arrested, handcuffed, and hauled away for stealing a single loaf of bread. When I heard about it I complained to the manager and asked him why he just didn’t give the guy a couple dollars so that he could buy the bread.
Hey Billrrrr…thanks for stopping by and for the comment. I think I can tell you why the manager arrested for the bread theft…..you never want the word to get out that if you get caught stealing they will let you go….as that word will spread like wildfire and the store will run over with shoplifters…..in the store that was mentioned in this story….we probably averaged about 10 caught shoplifters a week….and they all got to leave with the police.
Can’t wait to hear about St Pauli Girl and Chester Cheetoh. That freakin page was funny, good way to start my day, up and sharing. (pun intended).
Hey howlermunkey….you comment got a laugh out of me…..thanks for the visit, the comment and the share….they are all greatly appreciated.