It was in 1989, having graduated from college, I embarked on a career in grocery retail. After surviving a crash course on grocery manager skills, my first night as being the M.O.D. (Manager on Duty) had finally arrived. As the store manager left for the night he said “Don’t worry… if anything goes wrong, you got Marvin working with you, and he is our best security guard.” As he walked out the door it was now my first time flying solo.
The first few hours went very smoothly. Around 5:30, the evening rush was in full effect. Then things started to unravel. Marvin walked up to me and said “I’m going to need your help, I am about to arrest a shoplifter and he is a pretty big guy”. Following Marvin, we approached a gentleman who looked like an offensive lineman for the Washington Redskins.
The man immediately pulled out a huge can of Starkist tuna out of his sweater and said “you got me” and without putting up any resistance allowed us to escort him to the backroom. When we got the shoplifter to the backroom, Marvin handcuffed him to the meat cooler door, and I called the police so they could come get the shoplifter.
As we waited for the police, we got called to the front for customer service. I started to ring up an order as Marvin bagged the order. I then saw Marvin shaking his head, just then, a lady at the back of the line, jumped out of the line and started running to the back of the store. Marvin started giving chase, I left my customer and ran after them.
As we chased her, we saw her reaching into her big bag she was carrying, and started throwing Heineken beer bottles on the floor and saying “These are not mine…these are not mine”. After catching up to her, we escorted her to the backroom. Since Marvin’s handcuffs were on the Starkist Man, the Heinken Lady was told to sit on a chair and wait for the police. When the Heineken Lady heard the word “police” she became very upset and fell down on the backroom floor and started crying hysterically. As she was crying, I noticed another customer was walking in the backroom. “What are you doing with my sister” she asked. When I told her we were waiting for the police, the sister joined Heineken Lady on the floor and started crying even more than the Heinken Lady.
As the two sisters continued to cry, our sleeping giant seemed to wake up. The Starkist Man said “You need to get them ladies off the floor”. At which point Marvin, the security guard, shook his head and said “If they want to get up, that is fine, but I am not helping them get up”. This seemed to make the Starkist Man very mad.
Being handcuffed to the meat cooler door, he started yanking on the door and screaming he was going to kick Marvin’s butt when he got loose. At this time the first police officer arrived in the backroom. When he saw the Heineken Lady and her sister crying on the floor, and the giant Starkist Man about to rip the meat cooler door off its hinges….he called for backup.
What happened next was like the scene in Christmas Vacation, when the police raid Clark Griswald’s house at the end of the movie. Police officers started showing up everywhere, through both doors of the backroom, through the meat prep room, through the produce prep room, the deli prep room and even pounding on the backdoor.
About four officers approached the Starkist Man, they turned him around and started to uncuff him from the meat cooler door. As they took the handcuffs off, they told the Starkist Man…”If you move in a hostile way, we will treat that as an act of aggresion and we will hurt you”. The Starkist Man started to calm down, and was escorted to an awaiting police car. Another officer grabbed the Heineken Lady.
As we all walked to the front of the store, I noticed the parking lot. It looked like the end of a Die Hard movie, at least 10 police cars with their lights going, heck even the K-9 unit had arrived. As I watched them leave the store, I noticed my customer still standing at my register…”Its about time you came back ” she said. Later that night, the store manager called to check up on me, I told him about the Starkist Man and Heineken Lady, and he said…..”So you had a normal night”…as I hung up the phone…… I thought if this is a normal night….I do not want to see this place when things get really crazy.
Wow this was a crazy night for sure…I have been to the grocery store late at night and you get some really strange characters about…I loved the story and could picture those ladies spilling tears all over the floor while the Starkist man (as big as he was seemed like a gentle giant) may with a little twisting, could have taken the freezer door off its hinges..haha This story made me smile.
Sunnie
Thanks for visiting Sunnie Day. This has turned to be one of my most commented pages every…..glad you found it funny….it is funny now…but at the time stories like this used to freak my wife out ….being a stay at home dad does not offer up such experiences…..thank goodness for that….thanks for the comment.
Charming bit of Americana! Great little tale with so much human frailty and humor. Thank-you! : )
Hey Robin-Jones….thanks for the visit and the comment…they are both greatly appreciated.
Oh me, this is the funniest true story I have read!!! Thank’s for sharing your lovely “normal” job from back then. Life is truly stranger than fiction. From here on out, I will never look at my StarKist tuna in the same manner! Now, the combination of the Starkist and the Heineken lady just sent this one over the top, all in one night!!! Loved this so much. Thanks for the great laughs here. Voted Way UP In His Love, Faith Reaper
Hey Faith Reaper….glad you got so much enjoyment out of my first night as Manager on Duty….I will never forget that night and every time I have seen a starkist tuna can the Starkist man comes to mind. Thanks for the votes up and the very nice compliment.
Just found this page. Congrats, but as the story is great and funny as well. Wow, what an adventure for the 1st night on the job. Following to read more!!
Hey TripleAMom…..lots of great things have happened to me here at HubPages….but the fact that this hub which is a year and half old being is just getting discovered in the last month has been one of the nicest thing yet….I always view the top the Hot list like the Billboard record charts…and somehow this one has stayed up there for two weeks now…..confused how it got there…but loving every minute it stays there…..thanks for the visit the comment and the follow.
rezigue I am still trying to figure out why this hub got so popular the last few weeks….though I am not complaining…..the comments have indeed been pouring in.
Thanks for stopping by googleadesense…..it is appreciated.