It was in 1989, having graduated from college, I embarked on a career in grocery retail. After surviving a crash course on grocery manager skills, my first night as being the M.O.D. (Manager on Duty) had finally arrived. As the store manager left for the night he said “Don’t worry… if anything goes wrong, you got Marvin working with you, and he is our best security guard.” As he walked out the door it was now my first time flying solo.

The first few hours went very smoothly. Around 5:30, the evening rush was in full effect. Then things started to unravel. Marvin walked up to me and said “I’m going to need your help, I am about to arrest a shoplifter and he is a pretty big guy”. Following Marvin, we approached a gentleman who looked like an offensive lineman for the Washington Redskins.

The man immediately pulled out a huge can of Starkist tuna out of his sweater and said “you got me” and without putting up any resistance allowed us to escort him to the backroom.  When we got the shoplifter to the backroom, Marvin handcuffed him to the meat cooler door, and I called the police so they could come get the shoplifter. 

As we waited for the police, we got called to the front for customer service. I started to ring up an order as Marvin bagged the order. I then saw Marvin shaking his head, just then, a lady at the back of the line, jumped out of the line and started running to the back of the store. Marvin started giving chase, I left my customer and ran after them.

As we chased her, we saw her reaching into her big bag she was carrying, and started throwing Heineken beer bottles on the floor and saying “These are not mine…these are not mine”. After catching up to her, we escorted her to the backroom. Since Marvin’s handcuffs were on the Starkist Man, the Heinken Lady was told to sit on a chair and wait for the police. When the Heineken Lady heard the word “police” she became very upset and fell down on the backroom floor and started crying hysterically. As she was crying, I noticed another customer was walking in the backroom. “What are you doing with my sister” she asked. When I told her we were waiting for the police, the sister joined Heineken Lady on the floor and started crying even more than the Heinken Lady.

As the two sisters continued to cry, our sleeping giant seemed to wake up. The Starkist Man said “You need to get them ladies off the floor”. At which point Marvin, the security guard, shook his head and said “If they want to get up, that is fine, but I am not helping them get up”. This seemed to make the Starkist Man very mad.

Being handcuffed to the meat cooler door, he started yanking on the door and screaming he was going to kick Marvin’s butt when he got loose. At this time the first police officer arrived in the backroom. When he saw the Heineken Lady and her sister crying on the floor, and the giant Starkist Man about to rip the meat cooler door off its hinges….he called for backup.